MEANT

Midnight, alleges all
     Everyone says darkness
Numb
     Asleep
In their nucleus
     Cozy in bed
Intimation tender
     Whisper sweetness
Pricks the ear
     Heard
Foul-mouthed
     Dirty worded
Interjections
     Intrusions
Always eluded to
     And meant

7/13/09

HAUNTS

She evanesces in and over me
on this languishing memory
Kaleidescope again transient her
ghostly recollections hands blur
Just a mutated piece of my fragmented mind
distorting in and gossamer bind
Forgot how to remember the writhing cause
her brevity in shroudy gauze
Like warped vines her twisted arms wrangle with me
am I sharp enough to cut free
Trystful interlocks reminding me vacant
moody eruptions of augment
Like fuzzy laughter in the spirited sun
animal feelings one on one
I can almost grasp her mercurial light
but unable to hold on tight
Chimerical skin fiery to the touch
with only a vague wisp to clutch
Vanishing cold now reality iy mocks
sated with tepid aftershocks
Shadow puppets and ephemeral charades
I surmise at the barricades
But I need a nonexistent ladder
or to see her again uncover

11/4/09 2:32am

STAYLIGHT

Up down inside churning
I burn.
Why is is so hard to stay?
Light is a bright thundering mass ahead that looms
"Stay in the light"
I falter,
I fall
I sicken and drown
gaping wide singed sillia erupt
masses of red pour out
screeching halting raw.
Regroup awaken eyes
Over feels like milky cool
Soothing ravaged bones

sensing the fearsome but beckoning glow
I somewhat surrender
low rumbling rebel
Cycle in
"Stay"
Might I ever?
10/23/09

SING

There is a light at the end of the song
Sing a prayer tonight
I feel helpless and my heart is breaking
Hope is heard but vague
Sing out to who?
Through chaos and endless noise
I wanna hear something
Softly speaking and whispers all around
Will you roar?
The beat is there
I search for the source
I see the hand at work
But why can't I feel it in me
All around me?
I need to feel it
Even when I'm not singing

7/23/09

PENNY'S PRAYER *

"The lord is my shephard, I shall not want"
To the extremes we sometimes need to invent
What we need to feel unalone or unafraid
But it's all up to Him, and his path that He's laid
Alone in this world is a faulty thought
Because he walks with us if he is sought
"I sought the Lord and he heard me"
Reached out with his heart and set us free
"And delivered me from all my fears"
Forever He is with us beyond our years
"The Earth is the Lord's and all it's fullness"
With all its gentle folly and its simple kindness
The trees and the bees and the mothers and fathers
All that came before and all that will follow
"You will judge me in favor
Because you know what is right
You know my heart
You have come to me at night
You have examined me completely
And found no evil desire in me"
Have some faith
And God will see
All the good
That you can be
I see Penny, and I see strength
I see love, and powerful faith
Keep praying and believing through seemingly endless strife
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life"

*Inspired by the first book of Psalm

7/17/09

SLAVE CRY

DON'T CRY TO THEM
CRY TO IT
IT IS IT
I AM IT
I'M ITS SLAVE
FUCK ME SLAVE

7/25/09

SPLIT LOSS

AS I SEE
WE ARE THREE.
ONE IS TWO.
I AM WHO?
AM I ALONE
LEFT TO ROAM
ALL AT ONCE
ZERO TO TRUST?

6/23/09

SOUL SCOUR

purify my brimming skin

filter out my washing grin

clarify my soul within

refine water down my aching backbone

same swimming assemblage not outgrown

cascade aqueaous on my waiting flesh

cliched shower tangent a success

6/23/09

AMBIDEXTROUS

Revelate and originate into the future
The cure
The fear
Aware of nothing
But everything
All at once
Ambivalence
Twice over
A cancer
Work on a deal
A wheel
Of didactic monotone
In creative prose
Realizations
Real?
Or feel?
Hardly
But too much
Sinister laughter
In soggy tones
Heard
The word
Above and below the infinite radar
Agree to disagree
Disarm
An alarm
Defenseless
Yet with immeasurable weapons
Kill dead insects
Crawling
Falling
Into Foggy eyes
Look but cover
Forever
And never

6/20/09

JOSEFINA

Jardinera escondida en la yerba,
siempre con una brillante sonrisa.
Ella es una joya observadora
con su taza morada de Dora.
Una amiga jacarandosa y linda
sus alas de mariposa son efectista.
Despregar las alas!
Despregar las alas!
Como la jardinera
y tu corozon lo calor.
Posarse en la verde
Con Josefina!

6/20/09

BITTERSWEET

I leave with nothing
maybe regret
to set
on my head.
Lead with one true thing
nasty secret
to fret
in my bed.
Don't even try to tell me,
fake niceties aren't soothing.
I hate it when I smile,
remembering the vile.
I move on and try
saving apart
my heart
to restart.
Keep always one eye
ahead impart
my art
don't depart.

6/19/09

ENDS

The astronaut devices

forever into

over powering

knives of a thousand chefs

Cannot see the light

only smothers

holds on tight

If ever there was a power

big as

couldn't be

To hide in the darkness that engulfs

Sit and stare at the bright light

beckons but does not warm

Alpha and Omega

caress a droopy finger

Says a goodbye

does not ever return the favor

In the still of the night

come alive

the creamy lumen tendils

off the back of an electric eel

like cords tethered to space man floating

Flowering imbeciles engross

every pore

6/18/09

KNOTTY

The younger I feel the later it gets

The knots, they are coming.

don't slag me down

don't hold it up.

Tie it up centerfold intuition.

Just capture myself at a unique pleasantry.

Knock on gnarly cedar scented chips

Lots of people in and out.

Smell anger of acrid lacing

Like it or not

hit me with your best knot

make it into a free for all

call me a name that no one really gets to say.

Fire away.

Beat holy wont die.

String the corpse up by my head.

Dead men rest on my shoulders.

I carry all the shoulders.

Sandcastles melt before my bare toes

Connecting the t angle to wrongs

I know I am the prophet and the puppet

A pig on the edge of the pond

Getting ready to rumble

good Memories or sleeping can I wonder?

Together

Take it with you

Help get the angel out of the ditch

That know barely pinched the side of my foot

cross your fingers for me

you write 

you die

the one and only disaster

fun twine right on time fuels competition

you cry at 12 noon at the helm

by weeks end fill your heart with joy

tied ends of something separate

out of here

get out of this universe

let myself fly into the unknown one

the grass is always greener on the other spiral

let me gently sleep into obliteration.

Movements are my knots, irrelevant

5/22/09

NUT OF STEEL

Nut becuase I was screwed with.

When 

everyone

was

wrapped

in

dark

chocolate

night.

I wasn't.

When?

Everyone says beautiful names

But out of the mouths:

dirty

water

flow

Splashing on my

armor.

5/27/09

PASSION

ATTACK ATTACK THE TASTE
                              THE TASTE
                                               OF IT
SHAKE A SHAKE & MAKE
                             & MAKE
                                         A VISIT
SEMI-HEMI WETTED LIFT-TONE
                                    LA-LAUGHTER
SLAPPY HAPPY ASS-ED CRACK-TECH
                                        SMA-SMACKER
DIT ENDED
            DIT ENDED
                     IN DOWN NOT
                                  NIFTIFIED KNOTS

                                                      5/5/09

SHAKED OUT

Shake deep inside.

A freezing cold pit releases

tell me

i wanna smoke that dope right now

Quiet wrath underground

& a fixed dent

Minute pieces of moss stick to my hymen

My ass wasn't

just put in writing everything

That's good

Is good.

Shake shake inside so i don't go out

5/4/09

HOLIDAY

please go away someday
risin' to the beat
velcro in my eardrums
collapse into my precious
fresh brain?
come around the holidays.

5/4/09

MARCH

A thousand pedestals placed before me
Two ballads blast out before the end
Vibrant females padded down my back

4/28/09

FADED

Rainbow's reassuring glow
Getting mangy tangle
colors a faded bright
Light of ancient bangles

Can I fathom an ending
A pot of gleaming gold
Looming or a curled finger
Loosely luring back and forth

Help me tell the difference
Or make my own finish line
Liken the two worth more than salt
Through a lucid prism shine

4/26/09

ARCHITECT

Can't do anything in the dark but sleep now child
Morning
Just sit and stare at the sun
Everlasting
Innocent child's building in my dreams
Precious
Forever in my heart.

4/16/09

SHELTER

Away or into                        beams.
The warmth is tepid
at most.
                Into it I am
                or am I into it?
Unseen, Unheard,
Loud & Bright.
Ending,
Like a false                          point:
Sharp,
But letting you                    down.

4/16/09

_UN

WHAT ARE THE ANSWERS
FEEL THEM INSIDE & BEFORE
I'M TIRED AND AFRAID

4/16/09

FOR MOM & SHAWN

My Mom with my Dad
Ended up really sad
So she moved onto Bill
Where she would soon have her fill
Next came some boys
But only to be toys
Onto Ed with the Aerostar
But for him she was to afar
Wanted my Mom always right there
So the she said bye but I still care
Then came a shaven lad called Shawn
For whom my mom would soon fawn
He makes sure she scratches some tickets
To check and see if she'd win it
He keeps her in mind
All the lovin' time
He worries that other men will come
But my Mom says she loves only one
I haven't seen my Mom so content
With a man to this calm extent
She opened up to me
So I could also see
What Shawn ulitimately means to my Mom
If they were teens she'd ask him to prom
She found someone quieter than her
To balance her out, which is better
I used to worry myself into a spat
When I thought my Mom homeless, why that?
But knowing that Shawn was by her side
I started feeling she'd be okay far and wide
I hope you find forever in eachother
It makes me happy to see you with one another
I'm glad I can be here to see you relate
It gives me reason to believe in fate
Shawn is a good hearted man inside
My Mom is a perfect match for his ride
I wish they both can see
What my eyes and ears show me
Although sometimes annoying, rude, or crass
Those things are needed to make it last
So you have something to weigh the good
Without up no down, no tree without root
I wish you ever after
And never ending laughter

3/29/09

AFTER THE RAIN

Sun peeking out

no doubt

Repeat

Shine Shine

in my finest defines

Move on move tall

Okay fall

but too think

Wise Wise

to my feet always rise

3/26/09

CASSI'S V-DAY HEARTS POEM

Yes [Hug me]
[Hug me]
Yes Yes
I'm yours I'm yours
[Be mine]

Love ya

3/25/09

SITTING HERE

WHERE DID MY HAND GO
OUT THE LIPID LUSH WINDOW
WITH BURNT DOWN HOUSES

3/25/09

SITTING HERE

WHERE DID MY HAND GO
OUT THE LIPID LUSH WINDOW
WITH BURNT DOWN HOUSES

3/25/09

HAYSTACK

HOT FLYING IDEAS
INSERTING MY PORES
NEVER QUIT REDUCTION
SPLITTING THE CORES
              HOVER METAL OBJECT
              RIGHT ABOVE MY EYES
              STABBING IN THE BLANK PART
              CATCHING ECHO LAID LIES
FIRE WATER'S FOR DRINKING
BLOOD'S SLICKER IN WINE
LIVING IN THE MIDDLE
HANGING FROM THE LINE

FLOATING COURSLY DOWN IT
STEERING THORNY HELM
CRASH HUMAN FACES
TACKY OVERWHELM
              ACHY MESSY LAUGHTER
              HOARDES OF MILKY WORDS
              LOOMING GRUNTING CHAOS
              FLIGHT FACELESS BLACKBIRDS
MURKY HURTLESS NIGHT
BRISK BREATH MELT AWAY
CHOPPY DREAMS SHINE IN JEST
A SLY NEEDLE TO PLAY

3/23/09

STEPSTICKY

Everyone is at a glance.
          I feel it coming.
                    I feel it burning.
                             I'm gonna steal it, love it or leave it.
                                       Sittin' on the center
                                                 next to semi-dried sticky coffee water
                                                           Do not disturb should be on ever kids door.
                                                                                                                        3/11/09

RAT-a-TAT-TAT

Rolling - along so peaceful - then SPLOOSH

I seep further and further.

Seep into what?

Seep into the energy that grows me:

Are Bulimic-disabled-shy-OCD

Got Bipolar-anxiety or PTSD

Am Schizo-Affective-depressed-ADD

I wipe out in the game - I think.

Need thoughts that are mine

Thought I saw a rat.

But it wa the hand of another.

Explode gently like a soft sound

Is what I want

But I get suicide A-bombs

Attacking my core

3/8/09

REPEAT

Something like that or whatever.
.
I'm feeling antsy.
And just want to jump off a high something or other.
Yes.
Climb out - yes
 Climb out
   Climb out.
     Climb out.
      Climb out.
.
I want to leave - leave - leave - leave - leave
Leave leave.  Leave leave leave leave leave
                                  leave leave leave leave
DARK NASTIES                  leave leave leave
IN MY HEAD
I just wanna sleep.
.
The days away
Sleep the days away -
The all
all days sleeping.
.
The clouds are question marks at my head.
Can you tell me how to get
How to get
How to get
How to get
To open sesame street
               sesame street
How street.
.
How to get somewhere?
Whatever's clever.
I want to get to sesame
                           sesame
                           sesame
street.

3/7/09

NOURISH

WAIT QUIET TO EAT
IT WILL MAKE LIKE MY EDEN
PEACEFUL MUNCH FORWARD

3/4/09

AIR

Feel sorry
to look at your life like that.
Fresh
we are break.
Strings
of lovely lonely say you love me.
I can't kill
but anyone but you.

3/1/09

FACADE

I exist more
Falling into the costume of others.
Naive being is but believing
Down here canvasses without repetition
Dismaying with a thousand points of light
A pointing pavilion
& pending perpetuity
It;s unicycle lovely lady
Or universal unitard
I am smashed into their small spaces
Don't understand who is who
Stacked & packed & racked
Befuddled around
Caked with desire
In what?
Or my universe?

2/27/09

Waiting

I am sitting here waiting for my cue to leave. That would be 8 am. I am going to an AA meeting with my friend, Josie, yay Josie. I have never been to one with her so it should be neat. I am so happy for her, and glad to see her happy and sober. I love her so much, and its weird to think that I just met her 4 months ago. Weird how people can enter your life in such a rush and become so integral to your daily activities. So I still wait. That or this didn't take up very much of my waiting time. Just about 2 minutes. Darn...

Meekland

I am getting settled in here quite nice. The people are friendly and the case managers are great. I hope that my confidence and motivation stay with me as I get more familiar. I had a good day in church yesterday. The pastor talked about loving others as he loves us. Unconditionally and with evidence of that love. Not just words. Thats a hard one to prove. Just wanted to catch up. I am feeling good and hope to stick with my plan.

REASSURANCE

Its 1:10pm on July 25, 2009. I am sitting at the library checking all my stuff. i talked to pearl. shes 2 months pregnant. im bored of writing now. jsut wanted this to be updated. sorta.kindablah