FOR MOM & SHAWN

My Mom with my Dad
Ended up really sad
So she moved onto Bill
Where she would soon have her fill
Next came some boys
But only to be toys
Onto Ed with the Aerostar
But for him she was to afar
Wanted my Mom always right there
So the she said bye but I still care
Then came a shaven lad called Shawn
For whom my mom would soon fawn
He makes sure she scratches some tickets
To check and see if she'd win it
He keeps her in mind
All the lovin' time
He worries that other men will come
But my Mom says she loves only one
I haven't seen my Mom so content
With a man to this calm extent
She opened up to me
So I could also see
What Shawn ulitimately means to my Mom
If they were teens she'd ask him to prom
She found someone quieter than her
To balance her out, which is better
I used to worry myself into a spat
When I thought my Mom homeless, why that?
But knowing that Shawn was by her side
I started feeling she'd be okay far and wide
I hope you find forever in eachother
It makes me happy to see you with one another
I'm glad I can be here to see you relate
It gives me reason to believe in fate
Shawn is a good hearted man inside
My Mom is a perfect match for his ride
I wish they both can see
What my eyes and ears show me
Although sometimes annoying, rude, or crass
Those things are needed to make it last
So you have something to weigh the good
Without up no down, no tree without root
I wish you ever after
And never ending laughter

3/29/09

AFTER THE RAIN

Sun peeking out

no doubt

Repeat

Shine Shine

in my finest defines

Move on move tall

Okay fall

but too think

Wise Wise

to my feet always rise

3/26/09

CASSI'S V-DAY HEARTS POEM

Yes [Hug me]
[Hug me]
Yes Yes
I'm yours I'm yours
[Be mine]

Love ya

3/25/09

SITTING HERE

WHERE DID MY HAND GO
OUT THE LIPID LUSH WINDOW
WITH BURNT DOWN HOUSES

3/25/09

SITTING HERE

WHERE DID MY HAND GO
OUT THE LIPID LUSH WINDOW
WITH BURNT DOWN HOUSES

3/25/09

HAYSTACK

HOT FLYING IDEAS
INSERTING MY PORES
NEVER QUIT REDUCTION
SPLITTING THE CORES
              HOVER METAL OBJECT
              RIGHT ABOVE MY EYES
              STABBING IN THE BLANK PART
              CATCHING ECHO LAID LIES
FIRE WATER'S FOR DRINKING
BLOOD'S SLICKER IN WINE
LIVING IN THE MIDDLE
HANGING FROM THE LINE

FLOATING COURSLY DOWN IT
STEERING THORNY HELM
CRASH HUMAN FACES
TACKY OVERWHELM
              ACHY MESSY LAUGHTER
              HOARDES OF MILKY WORDS
              LOOMING GRUNTING CHAOS
              FLIGHT FACELESS BLACKBIRDS
MURKY HURTLESS NIGHT
BRISK BREATH MELT AWAY
CHOPPY DREAMS SHINE IN JEST
A SLY NEEDLE TO PLAY

3/23/09

STEPSTICKY

Everyone is at a glance.
          I feel it coming.
                    I feel it burning.
                             I'm gonna steal it, love it or leave it.
                                       Sittin' on the center
                                                 next to semi-dried sticky coffee water
                                                           Do not disturb should be on ever kids door.
                                                                                                                        3/11/09

RAT-a-TAT-TAT

Rolling - along so peaceful - then SPLOOSH

I seep further and further.

Seep into what?

Seep into the energy that grows me:

Are Bulimic-disabled-shy-OCD

Got Bipolar-anxiety or PTSD

Am Schizo-Affective-depressed-ADD

I wipe out in the game - I think.

Need thoughts that are mine

Thought I saw a rat.

But it wa the hand of another.

Explode gently like a soft sound

Is what I want

But I get suicide A-bombs

Attacking my core

3/8/09

REPEAT

Something like that or whatever.
.
I'm feeling antsy.
And just want to jump off a high something or other.
Yes.
Climb out - yes
 Climb out
   Climb out.
     Climb out.
      Climb out.
.
I want to leave - leave - leave - leave - leave
Leave leave.  Leave leave leave leave leave
                                  leave leave leave leave
DARK NASTIES                  leave leave leave
IN MY HEAD
I just wanna sleep.
.
The days away
Sleep the days away -
The all
all days sleeping.
.
The clouds are question marks at my head.
Can you tell me how to get
How to get
How to get
How to get
To open sesame street
               sesame street
How street.
.
How to get somewhere?
Whatever's clever.
I want to get to sesame
                           sesame
                           sesame
street.

3/7/09

NOURISH

WAIT QUIET TO EAT
IT WILL MAKE LIKE MY EDEN
PEACEFUL MUNCH FORWARD

3/4/09

AIR

Feel sorry
to look at your life like that.
Fresh
we are break.
Strings
of lovely lonely say you love me.
I can't kill
but anyone but you.

3/1/09

FACADE

I exist more
Falling into the costume of others.
Naive being is but believing
Down here canvasses without repetition
Dismaying with a thousand points of light
A pointing pavilion
& pending perpetuity
It;s unicycle lovely lady
Or universal unitard
I am smashed into their small spaces
Don't understand who is who
Stacked & packed & racked
Befuddled around
Caked with desire
In what?
Or my universe?

2/27/09

Waiting

I am sitting here waiting for my cue to leave. That would be 8 am. I am going to an AA meeting with my friend, Josie, yay Josie. I have never been to one with her so it should be neat. I am so happy for her, and glad to see her happy and sober. I love her so much, and its weird to think that I just met her 4 months ago. Weird how people can enter your life in such a rush and become so integral to your daily activities. So I still wait. That or this didn't take up very much of my waiting time. Just about 2 minutes. Darn...

Meekland

I am getting settled in here quite nice. The people are friendly and the case managers are great. I hope that my confidence and motivation stay with me as I get more familiar. I had a good day in church yesterday. The pastor talked about loving others as he loves us. Unconditionally and with evidence of that love. Not just words. Thats a hard one to prove. Just wanted to catch up. I am feeling good and hope to stick with my plan.

REASSURANCE

Its 1:10pm on July 25, 2009. I am sitting at the library checking all my stuff. i talked to pearl. shes 2 months pregnant. im bored of writing now. jsut wanted this to be updated. sorta.kindablah

4:32am

I was tossing and turning in bed about an hour ago. i was dreaming about a combination if school and my mom and brother smoking pot. in a house that was a combo of both grandparents. for some reason a guy in it was bothering me hanging out whereever i went. and this room had just had a bachelor party i was supposed to sleep in. smelled of cum. gross. the smell i couldnt get out of my head as i was trying to sleep. in the dream and out. i kept waking up and turning over trying to get the smell out of my nose. the more i woke up the more i realized i had to pee. i went into the bathroom and coudlnt find the toilet paper. the smell was overwhelming. its hard to go over this. im feeling like i want to puke. i wont go over it i dont want to trigger myself again. i had a flashback in the bathroom. it freaked me out. so now im awake. sometimes it hurts so much that i cant feel anything else.

12:44pm

I was thinking about the audio clip that my aunt sent me of john and me at the beach when I put my finger in the bird poo. That was funny.

I actually slept last night like a normal person. I went to bed when Jason did and got up in the morning at 10. Scary. I am trying to put the audio clip on here but I am not sure it is going to work. Nope it didn't. Oh well the picture is here.

Anxiety

Aww aren't the puppies cute. This is the other day when Jason and I both took them out. Malaika loves the sun. And Gretta is never serious, so this is cute.
It is about 2pm and I have an appointment today. I am feeling like I don't want to go. I am feeling like i don't want to stay sober. I just want to screw it all. I don't like the new room. It feels icky. But I was icky when I went so maybe if I go when I'm not it will feel better. Maybe she put her decorations back up. I hope so. Last night was bad. I couldn't shake my stuff. I keep thinking about disturbing dreams and weird memories. Can I let go of the rope long enough to forget without falling into the abyss that is my brain. Brain fart. Forage a kiss lick for my middle. Crap made out of oragami smells too.

9:11pm

Well I hope this embedded puzzle works. lets see. im listening to coast to coast and this strange chic is talking about some vortex golden poker game.