JUST A SPADE

the bed where i laid
(FALLING)
full of fearful maim
was black, just a spade
(DIGGING)
mostly where he came
progress i have made
(FLEETING)
to lift up my name
is cut with a blade
(SHINING)
nothing left but lame
what price i have paid
(COUNTING)
playing who's to blame
what if i just stayed
(DANCING)
living in a game
i think i might fade
(BURNING)
waning dying flame
failure, i'm afraid
(DAUNTING)
doubts i have to tame
murky mess, i wade
(SLOSHING)
working past the shame

4/20/10

AFRAID

I AM AFRAID I MIGHT FAIL
I AM AFRAID OF HOW TO KEEP MYSELF MOTIVATED
I AM AFRAID THAT DRINK WILL WIN
I AM AFRAID THAT MY RESILLIENCE WILL FADE
I AM AFRAID THAT I WILL BE HOMELESS AGAIN
I AM AFRAID THAT I WILL DISSAPPOINT THE PEOPLE THAT CARE ABOUT ME

I AM AFRAID.

4/16/10

HOPE

A rare find, inside
tied to a raw pole;
round & round it goes.

3/11/10

7:50am

Hello bloggy blog blog.  I am sitting in the computer room with new resident, Richard.  He is swell.  And I too am doing swell sorta.  I gotta start going to 5 days a week at second chance in hayward.  it scares me because im afraid i might fail at it.  I just dont know how to keep myself motivated and going.  I am afraid that I will drink.  I am afraid that my resilience will fade.  I am afraid that I'll be homeless again.  I am afraid that I will dissapoint people that care about me.  I am afraid.

MALAIKA

MYSELF ADOPTS LOVABLE ANIMAL INTO KOOKY ABODE
MADE ABRUPT LIFE ALTERINGS IDEAL, KISMET ABLAZE
MALAIKA ANOINTING LICKS, ACCUSTOMED INTIMATE KISSES ABOUND
MIGHTY ANSWERS LEARNED AND IGNITE KEEN ACUMEN
MASTERFULLY AWARE, LUCIDLY ADEPT IN KNOWING ALL
MAGNETIC AVATAR, LIKELY ACCOLADES ISSUE KIND ADJECTIVES
MAGICAL AURA LEANING ALWAYS INSIDE KINETIC ACCORD
MARVELOUS ACROBAT LEAPING AROUND INFINITE KALEIDOSCOPE AIR
MOMMA, AT LEAST, ALSO I'M KEY ACCOMPLICE
MY ANGEL, LIVELY ABETTOR, IS KINDRED ALLY

4/11/10

DESIRE

You unfold, flower
Halting my unabashed breath
Willing intense fire

Infinite bonding
Careening off the edges
Hanging strong wire

Truthful intimate
Tangled outside melts away
Never to tire

Burning in my soul
Surging through my pulsing veins
Red throbs inspre

2/12/10

TETHERED STRENGTH

I hate the straps
that hold me in
they get in the way
like liquid sin

Monster red tape
that sticks to me
it has no give
to let me flee

Icky tight bonds
that rule my life
I grasp at strings
nothing but strife

I loathe the rope
that ties me down
cinching my breath
furrowed deep frown

Dig for the strrength
I know is there
fight the tether
release the snare

I burn the straps
that hold me in
feel the mad rush
of cooling skin

Tear the red tape
that sticks to me
I shred the strips
to set me free

Cut through the bonds
that rule my life
suck in the air
wielding sweet knife

Untie the rope
that ties me down
I see the light
I wear the crown

I found the strength
I knew was there
relieving smile
my world is fair

4/4/10

REBECCA'S SONG

Sing the song of numbers with Rebecca
and you can solve the complete jigsaw.
Anyone might see her as strictly numerical,
but she can be seen as super lyrical.
the formula for her musical math
is complex, but just follow the path.
Hear the square root of her motives steadfast,
add a beating heart sympathetically vast.
Multiply by her engaging eyes,
to the power of n, melodiously wise.
Subtract anything petty or vile,
the data croons with her gentle smile.
We've just proved that a person so modest
can explode your eardrums to rest.
You just have to really listen
to the sweet aria, end function.

3/5/10

FLUX

bide the molten energies that misguide

inside are the ancient flows that divide

eyed evil, highly romanced suicide

collide with the alluring, bitter cyanide

chide the maddening stream, Jekyll & Hyde

subside & ignore angular riptide

glide along the flight pattern rarefied

with stride, combat the fleeing underside

ride the positive flux, raw & open-eyed

backslide out the negative planet wide

slide just a bit, it's ok, be tongue-tied

confide with electric preoccupied

3/10/10

DROPPING ROPE

did i drop something along the way

rid, why crop numb wings for songs to play

a fathom of hope

rays far from the rope

a dead cloak upon cores

may red soak up the sores

2/25/10

ACRIaliDy II

ACIDIC REALITY
SO FAST
RIDDLING ASKS THE OCEANS ROAR
WITHIN

CAN I SEE BEYOND ALL MY
IMPOSES
MY SHRINKING DELICATE FRAME
NEAP TIDE

CONFUSING REAPS THE HARVEST
ANXIOUS
ITS HULKING BODY, GRASPING BODY
A CHILD

DID I ALWAYS ABIDE
ORANGE MOON
THAT SHAKES ME IN SO DEEP
UPON ME

2/25/10

ACRIaliDy I

ACIDIC REALITY
IMPOSES
ITS HULKING, GRASPING BODY
UPON ME

DID I ALWAYS ABIDE
SO FAST
MY SHRINKING DELICATE FRAME
A CHILD

CONFUSING REAPS THE HARVEST
ORANGE MOON
RIDDLING, ASKS THE OCEANS ROAR
NEAP TIDE

CAN I SEE BEYOND ALL MY
ANXIOUS
THAT SHAKES ME IN SO DEEP
WITHIN

2/25/10

JOHN'S FLOW

As my spirituality trys
to not die
my phisicality wants
to get meth+aforicly High
Just trying to ask why
lieing to my
letting by-gons
get by prying slyness
getting Wet with regret in nothing
but Dryness
dare me not to bay this
adorning a butterfly
bowtie too heavy to fly
But I'm still tryin'
by And Apon this flow
I'll be scryin'
the lining to what
I'll be finding
NEOmental-lightning
And the next episode
goes flowless
trying to be
able to show accumulated
Knowings
like just one puddle of light
imposed against
the Infinate
carred flowings that only grow
2/24/10

TANDO

TACKLING AFRICAN NATIVE DETERMINED OFFSPRINGING.
TRUE AMIABLE NEIGHBOR DIGGING OVERTURES.
TOUCHY ARMOR NECESSITATES DROOPING OVER.
THRESHOLD AFTER NUMB DEFYING OPTIONS,
TANGIBLE AURA NESTELED, DEFYING ORACLES
TITANIC ACHE, NOTED DEATH OOZES.
TOLERANT ANGER NUMBERING DOMINANT OFFERINGS.
TETHERED ANGST NEARING DELINEATED OPTIMISM.
THRUSTING ANY NASCENT DISCRIMINATION OBSESS.
TIDY APTITUDE NAMING DISTANT OBSTACLES,
THOUGHTFUL ABANDON, NARCOTIC DRIPS ONLY.
TACTUAL ADAGIO, NAMELY DURABLE ORBITER.
TREASURED ALTAR NECTAT DRIVING INTO.
TANTALIZING ASTERICK, NIFTY, DENOTING OPPORTUNITY,
TOGETHER ACQUIESCE, NADIR DAMPENING OPENNESS.
TALENTED ALLEGORY, NEVER DUCKING OPERATION,
TEEMING ACADEMIC NEEDLING DILLIGENTLY OLYMPIC.
TICKING ABOVE NICHE DRIFTING OVALS.
TINGLY AVATAR NOTICING DECADENT OMENS,
TABLING ABSOLUTE NOTIONS, DISCARD OBVIOUS.
TAKING ADROUT NUCLEAUS DEFTLY ON,
TANGLY ADHESIVE NOWHERE DIN OSCILLATES.
TRANSIENT ANIMAL NURTURING DAINTLY OVARIES.
TENDER ALGORITHMIC NIRVANA, DIABOLICAL ODE,
THIRSTING ALIVE, NERVY DIRECT OPUS.
TEETERING ACCORD NUANCING DREAM O'CLOCK.

2/20/03

CHERI

CAREENING, HIP EXTROVERT RIDING INNUENDOS.
CALCULATED HANGING EXITED ROTATING INDIANA.
CHEAP HEALING ELECTED, REALLY INDIFFERENT.
COULD HONOR ENCOMPASS RATIONAL INTENT?
CLEVER HELL ESCAPED, RIPPING ILL.
CONTROL HINDERS EVERYTHING, READY INTRUSION.
CLEAR HINDSIGHT, ELECTRIC RESPONSE INTRINSIC.
CALLOUSED HANDS ERASING RAPID INTERVALS,
CHEERING HALLELUJAH EFFECTING RUEFUL ITCHING.
CLICKING HEELS ETCHING RESTFUL ISLE.
CANDLES HOVER ENDEARING RADIANT ILLUMINATE.
COOLING, HEATING ELEGANT RENDERED INVENTION.
CURBED HANKERING EVIL RESTORING IF.
CALL HELLO EVENTFUL RABID IDIOSYNCRATIC.
CEREBRAL HASHING EXPECTED REPEATEDLY IN.
CARTWHEELING HEAVY ENDURES RICKETY ITERATE.
CHAOTIC HEALTHY EARS RUMINATING IVORY.
CHERISHED HELP ENTERING RIGHTFUL INFEST.
CHEERFUL HAHA'S EXPLODING, RAPT INTERNAL.
CHEWY, HEDONISTIC ECHOES RICOCHETING IT.
CHEMISTRY HEAVE, EMPTYING RIPE INTELLECT.
CAREFUL HEART EXUDING RED INSPIRE,
COMFY HUGS EVER REGISTERING ICONIC.
CALMING HARBOR, ENERGETIC RESPONSIVE ID,
CANDID HAPPY ENDEAVORS RUNNING ISMS.
CAN HEALTHY ENDS RAPTURE INTO?

2/4/10

TWIST DELIRIOUS

I'M TRYING TO READ, BUT I CAN'T RESIST
EXPRESS FROM CONCENTRATE, MY OBSESS
I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES MANIFEST
EVANESCE LOVELY LADY REGRESS
RIP IT OFF WITH SALTY WHITE KNUCKLED FIST
SECOND GUESS, FORGETTING THE RAW STRESS
AM I THE BIG BAD WOLF WITH EYES INFEST
JUST BLESS A DARK FEELING TO SUPPRESS
LIAR WHEN IT'S THE SEASON OF DIGEST
PROFESS TRUTH AND ALL TO LUMINESCE
INCREASE IN SEMEN ON MY FACE IN JEST
S.O.S., HIT THE BUTTON, REPRESS
I MUST SPEAK CLEAN, THIS IS A DIRTY QUEST
CONFESS DIFFICULTLY SERIOUS
FOREVER DOOMED TO A LIFE OF UNREST
A MESS, I LOVED MYSELF TO IMPRESS
WHERE MANO Y MANO FEELS LIKE INCEST
UNLESS WHO'S YOUR DADDY IN POSSES
EVEN IF I GO TO THE TOP CONQUEST
EXCESS, SLOW RISE TO THE BOTTOM LESS

5/10/09 & 1/5/10

ENNUI

I'M BORED!
OH LORD,
PLEASE PLAY LOUDLY A DISTANT CHEERFUL CHORD.
KIND ACCORD,
KNOCK ME IN THE HEAD WITH A BUNGEE CORD.
SWIFT SWORD,
CUT ME REAL DEEP, IM READY TO BE CORED.
SWEET REWARD,
QUICKLY BRING TO ME, MY CUP TO BE POURED.
DISCORD.
I'M BORED!

12/25/09

MEANT

Midnight, alleges all
     Everyone says darkness
Numb
     Asleep
In their nucleus
     Cozy in bed
Intimation tender
     Whisper sweetness
Pricks the ear
     Heard
Foul-mouthed
     Dirty worded
Interjections
     Intrusions
Always eluded to
     And meant

7/13/09

HAUNTS

She evanesces in and over me
on this languishing memory
Kaleidescope again transient her
ghostly recollections hands blur
Just a mutated piece of my fragmented mind
distorting in and gossamer bind
Forgot how to remember the writhing cause
her brevity in shroudy gauze
Like warped vines her twisted arms wrangle with me
am I sharp enough to cut free
Trystful interlocks reminding me vacant
moody eruptions of augment
Like fuzzy laughter in the spirited sun
animal feelings one on one
I can almost grasp her mercurial light
but unable to hold on tight
Chimerical skin fiery to the touch
with only a vague wisp to clutch
Vanishing cold now reality iy mocks
sated with tepid aftershocks
Shadow puppets and ephemeral charades
I surmise at the barricades
But I need a nonexistent ladder
or to see her again uncover

11/4/09 2:32am

STAYLIGHT

Up down inside churning
I burn.
Why is is so hard to stay?
Light is a bright thundering mass ahead that looms
"Stay in the light"
I falter,
I fall
I sicken and drown
gaping wide singed sillia erupt
masses of red pour out
screeching halting raw.
Regroup awaken eyes
Over feels like milky cool
Soothing ravaged bones

sensing the fearsome but beckoning glow
I somewhat surrender
low rumbling rebel
Cycle in
"Stay"
Might I ever?
10/23/09