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Jason is making a dumbass of himself. He said he wanted to clean today. So he is. I told him I would do a few things but didn't feel like doing anything. He said he was ok with me just watching but I know he isnt. I just dont want to do anything just like any other day. His cleaning doesnt inspire me to clean. Nothing does. He asked me what he should do with the stuff in the hallway so I told him and he freaks out that I said we shouldnt put it in storage. He says I am bitching at him. So he says to just go in my room and leave him alone. I went to my computer and shut up. Now he says Im annoying him here. Just sitting quietly. He asked me to put his clothes in the dryer and he just did it himself. So I dont know what that is about. I told him id do it. Whatever. People always never trust me. It is always the same. I do things my own way and its not fast enough or good enough for anyone. I am sorry but I cant be who he wants me to be. I knew hed be an asshole if he cleaned. Thats why I didnt want him cleaning. He has never cleaned and just did it. Now he is talking to me again. Why? I guess I should listen. Jesus he is diluted. He wont shut up. He is really lame. He doenst know what he wants. I can't just sit here and be quiet when hes being an idiot. I guess thats what he wants me to be. a quiet little girl. Someone he doenst have to listen to that he can just use and do whatever he wants. I am not porn. I do talk and have feelings. Opinions that he cant seem to deal with. He always has to bring in the worst things and all of the things that might hurt me or make me mad or make me look bad. Icant just jump up when he wants me to. espically if he tells me to just relax or leave and shut up. When i do that he is still all bent out of shape. He says its always about me. But he is the one who makes at all about me. He never deals with his own crap. Its always my feelign and my crap. Never does he think maybe hes being dumb. I am the one who is crazy and needs to change. All I am doing is writing. And he cant take me jsut sitting while he plays martyr. Oh Lord almighty he is cleaning....what a perfect specimen of man. He just shines because he cleans once every 6 months. whew i cant compare to him. he is a god. im drinking. he even said earlier that maybe i should drink so i am less uncomfortalbe. and then now he brings up how hes so hurt by me drinking. god. pick a story and stick with it. please pick something that you beleive in. make a decision what the heck you feel. cuz lord knows i have no idea. i get so many stories...its all confusing. and quite frankly annoying as heck. oh now hes done cleaning. he put some boxes away and cleaned some cans up. gee hes a cleaning marvel. i do more than that when i clean and that is more often. oh yeah but i dont work and he works 2 jobs as he reminds me so much. so his cleaning counts for gods work. i forgot he is so much more special and everything he does counts ten fold. then im the one being an ass. i know if i ask him for the keys hell say no. that im acting crazy that we have no gas that some other excuse.....anything but ok here you go. the asshole, the controlling asshole. i dont know why im here. love.....ha....what a joke. who woulda thought love would keep me anywhere. well also my lack of motivcation and lack of money and lack of a car keeps me here too. asshole.